It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve tried to find this fantasized balance between God-family-work-self, and I hate to admit this but I’ve failed. In my attempt to find balance, I found the dark days of winter. The blah. The scary grey monster that swallows you bit by bit. No one probably notices but me. I struggle to get up each morning and to sleep each night. I go through the motions of life but question whether or not I’m actually living. I escape society as much as possible and dream cautiously. It’s the cycle I secretly live within. The cycle I don’t really understand. The constant battle I still seem to fight to keep the depths of darkness from swallowing me whole. No! I only allow a bit of me and then I fight my way out.
Today, I’ve fallen. The irony of the inky darkness is this calm feeling of nothingness. It’s a mirage though. I know this, yet I allow myself to believe in it long enough to fall. Stupid. I know. Yet here I am. Again!